Ruthspirations – Aspiring to Inspire

I’m just an ordinary woman who has come to appreciate the extraordinary circumstances of my life.  My journeys have taken me from the valleys of failure to the highest mountain peaks of success and beyond.  I’m here to share those experiences with other women just like me and you.  I’m not a psychiatrist, counselor, or mental health professional, but an “experience coach” with a high level degree in the school of hard knocks.  I want to share together, learn together and build a great network of amazing women that desire to support each other through the down times and joyfully celebrate the triumphs we experience.

I am passionate about seeing women be successful at whatever they desire to do.  I “aspire to inspire” in a pay it forward homage to the women who have mentored me as I have traveled this road called life.  Ruthspirations will focus on current issues that women face every day in both their personal lives and the workplace.  It is a vehicle for providing a forum to open up, talk and share with each other so that with support and encouragement we can make powerful choices that will encourage positive and successful outcomes, no matter the endeavor.

Sample topics might include:  dressing for success,  single motherhood, challenging situations in the workplace, learning to balance life and career, loving  the skin you’re in, style tips, music, healthy eating and exercise, creative writing ideas, design tips, hot entertainment ideas, parties ideas, meetings and event industry topics, feel good stories, tummy chuckles, some sad but true experiences and much more…the topics are endless and each of you will help shape the future of the topics we explore together in this exquisite sisterhood of being women..

I will from time to time feature guest bloggers and I readily encourage feedback and suggestions for topics that you might like to see featured.

There is nothing more joyful in this world than empowered, laughing, beautiful women; if even one soul finds something to be inspired about from the words I share, then I know that I’m well on my way to realizing one of my dreams.  I warmly welcome you into the living room of my virtual refuge; a place for real women just like you…and me.

Mika & The Marine…

Devastation on so many levels.  Let me see if I can explain.

Let me explain the characters:

Jack”san”:  A Marine, a hero, as close to a son as I’ve ever known.

Mika:  A cat that “Jack-san” gave us.

Two integral influences in my life are gone.  One, almost three years ago.  One, today. The two inextricably tied together.

Jacksan was my san.  Yes, san.  A cherished young man that held my daughters heart, my heart and that of those whose lives he touched in so many ways. His untimely death on May 17^th 2008 brought much sorrow  and heart ache to me (and many others).     He is also the crux of this story as he brought a little soul for us to love and cherish while he was away at war.  Enter Mika.  A tiny kitty.   I was soooo mad at the kids for bringing her home (if you have ever heard a sailor swear it was like church compared to that day), but from her first mew I was hooked.   I remember yelling at the kids to give me the cat, and Rachael telling me…”don’t hurt her mom”.  I looked at her and said, “ I’m mad at you and Jack, not the kitten.  Give her to me.”  Mewwww.   I was hooked and mushy.  My BFF laughed at me and called me a pu$$y.  Appropriate after the temper tantrum I’d thrown on the way home from Target to confront the kids.

Jack went off to war, and  when it was time to get her spaid, we did.  It went badly. Verrrry, badly.  The doctor was a hack.  She went crazy.   She had to have repeat surgeries and yes, she was literally nutzo.  But I digress.  I didn’t know what to do except love her through it, and I realized it would probably take more patience (and blood from her hostile claws) than I had to give.  But, I was determined to try.  Slowly but surely, after months and months, she started to calm down.  Jack called daily from Iraq to find out how she was doing.  (fast forward 3 months)

When I got the call that Jack had died, I remember thinking, “where’s Mika?”  I found her under my bed shaking and keening.  True story.  How she knew is beyond my comprehension.  But she did.  Mika, Rachael and I all grieved for Jack together along with his mother and family. Together we figured out how to somehow put the pieces back together after Jack’s death.

She was so much more than a cat to me.  She was a Marine.  A survivor.  She proved that through love anything is possible.  Day after day I worked with her to reassure, love, and make her feel secure.  She eventually responded.  Slowly but surely.  Love was healing her hurt and crazy.  Every day was a new step.  Crazy or not.  She was our cat…most would have probably given up, but I did not.

In October we moved from LA to a property where I have a backyard where she can run and play. She thrived.  She had become loving, warm and caring…(always with a teaspoon of bitch thrown in for good measure).  But she had finally come into her own.  Blossoming .  Amazing.  Happy.

Yesterday, she was running and playing and had the “zoom zooms” as I call them.  In and out of the house and around the yard, leaping over bushes and playing.  Rubbing up against my leg, purring, happy.  Today, she’s gone.  Dead.   And, part of my heart went with her and the other half feels like an open wound.  Yes, she’s just a cat…but a special one.  A silent killer got her…just like it got Jack.  Unbelievable the loss that I feel tonight.  She was just so more than a cat.  Just like Jack was so much more than a Marine.

She taught me how to fight.  How to never give up in spite of overwhelming odds.  She was a bitch. A tiger.  But she never quit fighting.  She taught me this.  Fight.  Fight.  Fight…and don’t quit until you win.  She was tough and mean, but she’d show me her loyalty and love every day.  She taught me how to just lay down and breathe through things when they seemed overwhelming.  She showed me even cats cry when they hurt inside.  She showed me that no matter what, you put your tail up and walk like it ain’t no thang…even when you’re scared.  That’s the way Marine’s do it.  So Jack often reminded me.  Between Mika, the Marines, and the Drop Dead Diva…where do you think I got my “shoulders back, rack out, step, step, booty kick” from?  Hmmm?  Life and people bring those things to a person.  And, that’s what Mika did.  That’s what Jack did.  They showed me how to find my strength through the hurt and the pain.  Now, she’s gone.  Let’s see if I learned my lesson well enough to do it on my own.

Mika was so much more than a cat to me.  She was a constant reminder.  A leader by example.  She was my constant reminder of my “san” and his, “Come on Mama2 that’s how the Marines do it.  You can do it too.”

She will be sorely missed.    I’m devastated.  But tomorrow, the sun will shine and she will still be there…in spirit only…just like Jack…but she’ll be there.  I learned the lessons and now I have to move forward and look up.

I love you Mika.  I love you “Jack-san”.  Mika and the Marine.  Brave, strong, loyal, loving and sorely missed.   To some, they are just animals and soldiers.  To me, they are heroes…human or furry.  The one thing I know is that a brave Marine named Jack”san” is taking care of Mika.

I don’t know if ultimately this makes any sense to anyone but me…but selfishly…right now I don’t care…that’s another thing Jack and Mika taught me.  Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself first.

Kindness Killers!

Ever have a day where everything goes wrong and in spite of it all, you do your best to try and keep a smile and a positive attitude?  Well today was one of those days for me and try as I might  to overcome  the urge,  I finally  “slank” back to my house, tail down,  coming to the conclusion that some days it’s better take cover rather than try to combat negativity.  I came across the worst kind of humanity today.  I call them kindness killers.  The definition of a kindness killer is a person that engages in an activity that either takes advantage of kindness or displays repugnant behavior in response to an act of good will or compassion.

Let me share a few examples…

I had to run to the post office today and as I pulled into the parking lot, a double king cab extended bed truck is pulling out of a compact parking space.  I see he’s having trouble maneuvering out of the space so I adjust my position to make it easier for him to get his ridiculously big truck out of an area which I’m not sure how he got into in the first place.  I’m smiling and waiting patiently and as the truck pulls up beside me, the passenger rolls down her window, snarls at me and flips me off.  I was so stunned, I couldn’t even react.  I asked myself the question out loud…”did she really just flip ME off?”  The person that went out of her way to make extra room, waited patiently with a smile for them to move so everyone could get where they needed to go?  Once it sunk in that she had indeed flipped me off,  I said to myself…she’s a real kindness killer and yes, I squeezed in bitch at the end.   If the shoe fits…well wear it well.

Flash to Sports Chalet where I picked up some supplies for my bike.  I’m waiting in line while the couple in front of me is trying to find out a price on a product.  They have one line open in the store.  As I’m waiting, the line continues to grow behind me.  Over at the end of the counter, TWO additional sales girls are laughing and repeatedly looking at the line, but not reacting to the fact that by this time there are no less than ten people in line.  More minutes pass.  Finally the guy at the register has to leave the customers he’s helping to go ask one of the chatty sales girls if they can open a register while gesturing at the ever growing line.  She unenthusiastically agrees and then walks over to the next register to open up.  A kid from the back of the line runs over to the register and steps in front of everyone else that was waiting before them.  I watched sure that the mother would show some manners and correct the situation. But she didn’t.  She charged right up and the cashier who clearly had no customer service skills in the first place proceeded to grudgingly check the customer out.  I couldn’t help myself; I look at the cashier and said, are you SERIOUS?   I can’t believe that stores are so desperate for help that they would employ someone that clearly doesn’t care about customer service or reputation.  With all the people out of work, I’m certain there would be someone that would love to have that job and wait on customers with great customer service skills and a happy attitude.  Don’t even get me started on the mother and the example she set for the child.  Pathetic.   I guess manners are over rated these days.

Undaunted, I proceeded to Costco where I plastered a smile on my face determined to make someone smile back at me, thereby making us both feel better.  I smiled and said hello to a women.  She cold stopped, stared me up and down and then gave me a dirty look, shook her head and moved on.  It was absolutely disheartening.  I learned in that very moment, that you can change a person’s day with a kind word and a smile and you can just as easily ruin it with a snarl.  The pendulum swings both ways.

I decided that I’d had enough.  I kept my head down, did my shopping, gave everyone the right of way and just prayed that I would get home without another dirty glance or making the acquaintance of someone else’s bitter middle finger.  Lucky me, the check out guys at Costco were a comedy duo and I left the store laughing.  They literally made a bad day feel much, much better.

I’ve felt a shift lately.  People are scared, angry and worried.  They are weary from the uncertainty of the past couple of years.  A lot of families are suffering from lost jobs, homes, family members, and some are even faced with devastating disasters that most of us can scarcely comprehend.  I get it.  I’m scared too.

But what scares me more than the uncertain times is that if we as people stop respecting and caring for one another, that humanity will slip quietly away.  If not practiced, kindness and compassion will die.  Integrity will become a rarity as everyone takes on an “it’s an all about me” attitude and action.

I have no idea what each of the people that I encountered today were going through.  Perhaps they ran into a kindness killer before they encountered me.  I just don’t know their circumstance and I’m trying not to react but I’m failing miserably.  I’m mad, upset and disheartened.  I work damn hard and go above and beyond to ensure that people are happy and satisfied.  I go out of my way to be kind and compassionate.  I work with people to help them get ahead even if it’s not always to my benefit.  I don’t expect a monument or acknowledgement for anything I do, however, I do expect that I’m treated in the same way that others would like to be treated.  And, I’ve never met anyone that enjoyed being treated like sh*t.  Am I perfect?  No, far from it.  And, I most certainly have bad days where my attitude can certainly use a makeover.  I can honestly say that when I’m like that, I go out of my way to NOT take it out on other people.   I wonder how the individuals that I dealt with today would feel if I brushed them off, avoided their phone call, flipped them off, glared at them or put my needs in front of theirs.  I have an idea that they would feel like I’m feeling now…and that’s crappy ‘bout it and uncomfortable.

I know things are bad, I get it.  But our actions today, determine our destiny for tomorrow.  If my experiences are any indication of tomorrow, there’s a storm brewing of epic proportion.  We have to keep our heads about us.

If there is one thing that I take away from this experience it is resolve…tomorrow morning the sun will shine and bring fresh hope with a new day. I will be an ambassador for changing a bad day for someone through a smile or simple kindness.  I will keep a clear conscience that I’ve done my best to create good will.  I can smile knowing that the thing I will not ever be is a kindness killer…(at least  not consciously).  That’s not a legacy I want to create for any that may follow in my footsteps.  Perhaps if we all do our part, we can see some real hope for a change.  And, that’s what we all need.  I’m moving forward and looking up…I choose to make a difference not give up. I leave defeat to the kindness killers.

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Certain Uncertainty

Wow! I can’t believe it was August when I last blogged. I suck. Acknowledged. Now, let’s move forward.

So much has happened in the whirlwind that is my life since August. Where do I begin? I’ve moved to a new community. It was a big decision for me to move from the hustle and bustle of the sprawling metropolis of Los Angeles to the slower pace of beautiful Temecula. I was scared to death. With a new business on my hands, I didn’t even know if it would survive. But, move I did.

My daughter has moved to Denver, Colorado and is thriving there. While I suffer from empty nest syndrome at least 10 times a day, I couldn’t be more proud. She’s doing exactly what I raised her to do. Thrive. Live. Succeed. In fact, she’s so much smarter than I could ever hope to be. My satisfaction comes from the knowledge that my love for her in some small way contributed to it. I count my daughter as my greatest achievement in life. Always have, always will. Watching her drive away from me was about my undoing. I still choke up at least once a day and it’s been 5 months.

My business is taking flight. Amazing that after 18 months, I’m not only still standing but soaring. I’m more excited and inspired than ever. The beauty of it is that I’m doing what I love to do, and get this…the world is my office. I find the definition of freedom in that. I’m free to follow my heart wherever it leads me. I set it up that way, I didn’t know if it would work, but it is. Now I worry about keeping up rather than keeping on.

I’ve written for a President. In a million years, I would never have dreamed that I could ever say that. Thanks to someone that believed in my ability, I was given the opportunity of a lifetime. I gratefully accepted it. It was a pleasant surprise as each day teaches me a lesson in trusting that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. Believe me when I say I was terrified.

By now, I’m sure you’re wondering what any of this has to do with anything. There is a common thread in each of the things I’ve told you about. Many times when life presents us with uncertainty, we lean towards failure and fear instead of standing strong in faith and moving forward. I’ve been there and done that. Too many times to count. I decided to try something different. It worked. My certain uncertainty led me to exactly where I needed to be– happy. I like it. A lot.

I hope that each of you will find it in yourselves to reach through the fear, grab faith and hold tight. I have a sneaking suspicion, you might just find your happy too. All I know for certain is that uncertainty is already presenting me with another opportunity. I’m going to take it.

Working The Exit Ramp…

So if all this change is so good, then why is my mouth so dry with my stomach tied in knots, my nerves raw and feeling like perhaps I should just crawl right out of my skin?  Excitement?  Dread?  Anxiety?  Elation?

Everything that is happening is good and positive albeit a little scary as within the past 12 months, my life as I’ve known it for a looooong time has been thrown into  an up is down, down is up scenario. To put it mildly, I’ve been in a blender.

That’s not a complaint.  I’m blessed.  I’ve stepped out of an old life and I am settling nicely into this new lifestyle and the results thus far cannot be any better unless I win the lottery.  (I’ve got a call into God on that one).

Life is moving along at a break neck pace.  Along with the everyday life changes,  I’ve discovered parts of myself long buried…and I’m proud of who I am and my accomplishments.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m okay with that.  I’m not nearly as emotional or angry and stressed and working tirelessly to live up to unrealistic expectations. I feel more at peace than I’ve ever felt…so what gives?

Simple and to the point.  Change isn’t comfortable.  It’s unknown, it’s new…it’s like a stiff leather shoe that has to be broken in.  It requires flexibility, adaptability and not a lot of guarantees or security. Those do not fit tidily into a nice comfortable rut.

So…uncomfortable…or rut?  I choose uncomfortable.  I choose the journey of adventure.  I choose opportunity.  I choose to walk by faith into the next phase of my life.

I’m no stranger to major change.  I did it before when I came to Los Angeles at 21 with a young child.  I arrived in my car with $600, a black and white 19″ tv along with some clothes and toys.  As soon as we arrived (literally)  there was an earthquake.  WTF?  The ground really moves? It was a literal shake up and it WAS a lil intimidating.  Truth be known, I refused to go out of my house until they ran out of ramen and donuts at the corner gas station.  Rachael insisted on going to the grocery store for something different than donuts or I might still be there.  But also we went to the store with right turns only.  There were more cars in one block than there were in my entire little town  in Wyoming. It took us a while to find a store on the right side of the street.   Adding to population culture shock,  I also experienced the terror of seeing a young mother on an exit ramp of the freeway with a sign that read…”Will Work For Food…Please Help…My Children Are Starving…” and they looked like it.  I was mortified.  I still gave her a dollar.   After that, I remember wondering whether I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.  My mother reassured me that I had not and told me that I could always come home.  I told her no, I just needed to know that if I NEEDED to come home, I could.  I’m no quitter, but going home is far preferable to working an exit ramp in my book.  We made a deal…if it came down to the exit ramp and a sign, I’d go home. She still doesn’t like Los Angeles. Can you imagine what I put HER nerves through?  She was always brave and encouraging.  I admire her an awful lot.

Okay, so fast forward, twenty one years.  I’m still here. In Los Angeles.  Successful, standing tall and proud of all I’ve accomplished. What a ride, some up, some down, a lot of it, chaotic, but WOW!  Whoooeeeee!

Sooooooooo….back to that feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I think I’ve figured it out.

It’s fear and that makes me feel a whole lot better.  No,  seriously.

Fear in my book, is not a bad thing.  It’s a motivator.  Not the terrifying kind, but simply being realistic.  When I lost my job last year (which was the biggest of all my fears), I rose to the challenge.  I haven’t had to work an off ramp, yet.  My boss told shortly before I was laid off, that I’m the one that would survive if thrown into the fire or backed into a corner.  She was right, although I have to say it wasn’t the best of  experiences.  That’s my nature…rising to the occasion…good, bad or indifferent. I live to succeed.

So, these changes that are coming are no more than discomfort with a little fear mixed in.  They are by choice…to better myself, to increase my quality of life and finally to give me a foundation to build on.  I like that.  Sounds adventurous.  It’s the next chapter in my life. It’s far past time.

This is where my faith comes in. Trusting myself and expecting to do well.  Believing that I will succeed will make me successful.  The formula hasn’t failed me yet.  Fear be gone.

And, if I fail…well…there’s always the ever present off ramp.  Joking aside…along with the herd of butterflies in my tummy, I’m so looking forward to it.  My next chapter.  My next success…as I always say…Move Forward…Look Up…Shoulders Back, Rack Out…Step, Step Booty Kick.   Oh yeah….now that’s what I’m talkin about!

Slivers of Wood…

Life happens.  When it happens to your kids and you “get” to watch them grow…that’s about the only time that motherhood sucks in my opinion. This is not some traumatic event.  It’s common.  Each of us go through it as we grow into mature adults.

I’ve been here many times before over the years, but this is on a different level.  A life changing one for her.

Focus. Choices. Decisions.  Direction. Love. What to do?

Watching my daughter as she wrestles with uncertainty  is heart wrenching.  Seeing the look of complete and conflicted bewilderment.  Feeling her confusion.  Hearing her cry. Yes, it’s difficult.

This is where I get to pound down every control freak aspect of my personality and let her make her way through it.  I can listen.  I can offer advice when asked (and to my fault, sometimes even when I’m not). Wipe away tears.  Assure.  Reassure.  Hug and guide. But I can’t make it better.  This is life.

Yes, this motherhood thing is hard. I cannot change this happening.  It is a part of  her maturing and developing strength. It’s about what she wants for her. Her wants and desires, her heart, her life. One side is amazing…the other scary and unknown.  Both equally important.   I thought motherhood got easier as they got older…it doesn’t.  It gets more complex.  It was so much easier when all I needed was a band-aid and a cookie.

She’s an amazing young woman and I have no doubt that she will figure it all out in a way that will ultimately be right for her and fully commit to it.   But in the meantime, can I scream, cry and throw a fit?  It feels like I’m sitting here with slivers of wood under my fingernails.   It seemed so much easier when I went through the same things at her age, but then again…I was in control.  I bet my mom had slivers under her fingernails too.

So this is where I am…

Life happens.

Dream big.

Move with purpose.

Show compassion.

Love deeply.

Live in faith, not fear.

Laugh heartily.

Find your joy.

And, finally…trying to plan life…well it doesn’t always cooperate.

My mom has a plaque  in her kitchen, it says, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”….now I know why.  It’s those slivers of wood.

“Money Doesn’t Make The Man”

When I started this blog, I said I would be writing about issues that women (and men) face.  Well have I got a topic for you!

Let me set the scene.

Last night I attended an election night victory party.  It was very exciting for me to be there for a number of reasons.  First, I like having a say and I feel that voting is important in having a voice in the way our Great Country is headed.  I appreciate the candidate and what he stands for and wanted to be there to experience the evening of victory with those of like mind.  There’s nothing like making a difference.  I strive for that every day.

Secondly, someone that is very close and dear  to me ran for her first office and won. It’s amazing to watch a young woman so passionate about what she believes in work her way to the top. And, believe me,  she is headed to the top!

There was a lot of power and money in that room and it was a palpable feeling.  I will admit it was a little intimidating (yes, I know that doesn’t happen often).  I was intrigued watching people interact with one another throughout the evening.  There’s a whole different world out there.

A few minutes before the candidate took the stage for his victory speech, a man approached me and struck up a conversation.  He asked me what I did.  I said I was a writer but had always been involved in planning special events.  The conversation maybe lasted all of 30 seconds and we exchanged cards after an invite to a wine tasting Chamber of Commerce function he mentioned.  Cool, a business contact.  I thought nothing more of it. I guess I should have paid closer attention.

This morning, I get  a text on my cell phone that says, “It was great meeting you last night.  Dinner tonight?”

I respond, “Great meeting you as well.  I’m on serious deadlines so I will not be doing anything but getting those done.  Thank you for the invite tho.”

A few minutes later, I get this message.  “Let me know if you have a friend who would have dinner 3 times a week.  400 each time.”

I wrote back, “What does that mean?”

Response:  “A dinner companion.”

Me:  “Okay.  That’s a little strange.  You want to pay someone 1200 a week to have dinner with u?  Am I understanding that right?”

Him:  “I’ll give you 200 for each intro.”

Him Again:  “Yes, I am tired of the dating scene.”

Me:  “I think a lot of us are tired of the dating scene, but to be candid, your approach to this is offensive to me.  I’m definitely not a call girl or a Madame and neither is anyone that I would associate with.  Good luck with that.”

Would you not think that would be the end of it?  Yeah, me too.  Not so.

Him:  “Of course not, let me know when you want to help with Chamber events.”

I think to myself, he’s joking right?  We never even had a conversation about “helping” with an event.  He merely mentioned attending a wine tasting event on what I perceived to be a professional level.  With alarm bells ringing in my head, I respond back.  “You sir, have no class.  We never had a conversation about my helping you with anything at the Chamber. For the record, you invited me to a wine tasting event the Chamber was having.  Please do not contact me again.”

That’s clear, right?  I thought the words would have some kind of impact.  HA!

Him:  “To plan tastings and events I said.”

Woooooooooooooow!  Along with having no class, he doesn’t even remember the 30 second conversation.  I have chosen not to respond to the loser.

I don’t know this guy and don’t care to ever cross paths again.   What I did find out though is that this man is a multi-millionaire with a less than stellar reputation of throwing his money around with the attitude that anything can be bought.    What. A. Class A. JERK!!!!

I learned something  today.  I learned that no matter the situation,  self compromise is never the answer for me.  Ever.   I learned that in spite of experiences in my life, my self esteem and respect are at the levels they need to be.  I was offended and quite frankly enraged at the suggestion I’d sell (no pun intended) any of my friends short either.

I guess I’m a bit naive.  I’m sure that type of thing goes on all the time, everyday, all day long – just not in my world.  What is disturbing is that there are women that would go for it – the money, the power, the desire to be taken care of…and all the heart break and negativity that goes with handling your self worth like merchandise.  The women that do are surely losing a piece of themselves every time they compromise their self esteem.  Our maybe they don’t have any in the first place, which is even a sadder situation.

Ladies and gentlemen (yes, there are women who do this to men too)…hold yourselves to a higher standard.  Be graceful and certain that there can be no self compromise.   Be offended and gracious and stand your ground.  After all, this is YOU we are talking about.    Fighting to keep your integrity and self esteem healthy is worth every drop of sweat involved.   After being in a crappy relationship where I compromised my self respect due to a  man’s insecurities, I know how hard it is to get it back!  So, yes, I’m getting on my pedestal to preach my message.   There is no insurance against this kind of catastrophe other than YOU taking care of yourself.  I know it’s easy to justify “just this one time” but the first time is always the hardest.  After that, it just goes down hill until one day you find yourself struggling to realize who you are and how you got to the low point.  That’s when the fight back to you, begins.  It’s a long road my friends.  Easier said than done.  I’m lucky.  I made it back and I’m stronger and more grounded than ever. Today’s experience just underscores that.  I know my boundaries and I’m not shy about establishing them, especially when approached by people that have little respect for me and ultimately even less for themselves.  They are the circling wolves.  Waiting for that vulnerable moment to swoop you up and eat you alive.  Stop.  Take a deep breath.  Regroup and move on.

No matter how lonely you are, no matter your financial circumstance, no matter what your opinion of yourself at this moment is, self compromise is never worth it. Don’t even consider it.

Last evening was an amazing evening and for the one piece of crap loser that I met, there were several stunning, classy and powerful men that respect themselves and those around them.  There were even a couple that made my heart drop to my knees and threaten to exit my toes.  Ooooh la la.  It’s those charismatic, amazing, energetic, positive people that I enjoy surrounding myself with.  They help reinforce who I am.  They make me feel great about myself.  They are worth their weight in gold…never mind they have a pile of it… it’s just not what defines them and that to me says a lot.  I’ve heard it said, money doesn’t make the man.  I agree wholeheartedly.  I don’t care how rich, how powerful, how famous…ugly is to the bone and a paper bag isn’t going to do it for me.  I place a high value on respect, honor and integrity…the rest is all gravy.

So, enough of preaching.  I hope that you find a moment to pause and discover your boundaries and never compromise them.  I guess it all boils down like this for me…

Madam Referrals:  $200

Dinner Date with Loser: $400

ME:  PRICELESS.

There are just some things that money can’t buy, for everything else, there’s MasterCard.  It’s up to you to put a value on yourself and offer no discounts.

I hope the loser reads this.  Maybe he’ll see what a disgusting piece of crap he is and try and find HIS self respect.  One can only hope.

To Succeed or Not To Succeed – That Is The Question…

Today I learned an important lesson.

You can set someone up for success; however, not everyone sets out to succeed.

Yep, you read it right.  And, yes, I’m serious.

I mean really, doesn’t everyone set out with success as a goal?  I thought so until today.  But that’s clearly not always the case.

I (and I say I as part of an amazing team) have done everything that I can humanly do to ensure that Client X’s vision comes alive, worked my fingers to the bone and presented the key to success on a platter.   Enter fear, the uninvited guest.  Tonight, I’m back to square one with absolutely no idea how to move the X back into the win column.  The drawing board is blank.

I’ve mulled it over in my mind and have come to the following conclusion.  It’s sort of like herding kittens.  Baby kittens don’t know any better than to go helter skelter and their need for shelter and safety drives them.  They are not going to let you guide them easily.  It’s the nature of the beast (no pun intended).

Like my friend John says…it all boils down to monkeys in a basement.  People say that they want to do things differently, but at the end of the day, different is too far outside the comfort zone.  So they panic.  Revert back to safe…leaving in their path a swath of collateral damage wider than an F5 tornado.

My  solution?  I can only do so much.  I can only do my best.  At some point, that has to be good enough.  As my mom used to say…you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.  I have to accept that.

Their outcome is not a result of my effort, but a result of their own decision.  It’s not personal.  It will be interesting to see how it all fleshes out when the lights go down.

At the end of the day, the lessons I’ve learned throughout the process, my sanity and working with a brilliant creative team may be the most valuable lessons I can take away from the experience.   When I think about it that way then the realization that not everyone wants to succeed doesn’t sting nearly as much.

I know one thing…if you let fear rule, you haven’t got a fighting chance.

Ya Gotta Have Faith…

Look back and thank God. Look forward and trust God. Look around and serve God. Look within and find God! God closes doors no man can open and God opens doors no man can close. If you need God to open some doors for you… Re-post.

I saw this status on Facebook today.  I re-posted it.  Not because I think re-posting it will make God open doors, but because it made me stop and reflect on all that my life has encompassed thus far.  I myself would replace the word re-post with the word  have faith or trust.

It’s interesting how many times the topic has come up in for me in  the past six months…having faith…looking forward…and watching to see what doors are opening as some slam shut behind me.    Each time I’ve learned a lesson or found meaning in the subject as it has specifically come up.

Look back and thank God. When I lost my job in October, I looked back and said thanks because I had a great job with a great company for a lot of years.  I was able to develop talents that will carry me forward through the next door.

Look forward and trust God. Moving through this new open door, God blesses me daily.  I’m learning to have faith, live in the moment and trust that everything will be okay.  There’s a plan for me and although I’m not sure its fully developed and I’m definitely curious to know what it is, I’m incredibly grateful to be able to make a living doing something that I love so dearly.

Look around and serve God. At Christmas, I didn’t have a lot of money to give gifts, so I looked around to see what I could do for others.  Something to brighten a day or ease a burden.  It turned out to be one of the best Christmases ever.  I felt full and blessed.

Look within and find God. I’m learning to pray and have faith, even when I don’t need something, (cause let’s face of it, most of us pray when we need something, not just to say thanks – me included).  But praying differently is helping to develop strength and calmness in me.  A sense of well-being that I was missing.  It’s nice to breeze through things that used to upset me so deeply.

God closes doors that no man can open. I’ve found that when this happens its usually for a reason that I may not appreciate at the moment, but become beyond  grateful for at a later date. Some times it can take a moment for this stubborn red head from Wyoming to embrace it, but inevitably I do.

God opens doors that no man can close. I see this in my life all the time in both small and large miracles.  Some astounding and some that if I were not paying attention I might not notice.   I’m incredibly grateful for each one.

Each miracle has a profound effect on my life.  They come in all shapes and sizes.  In fact, who knows, YOU might have been a miracle to me and not known it.  Don’t ever discount the effect that friendship has on a person’s life. Seeming random acts of kindness have pulled me up when I needed it the most. Whatever form they take, I’m grateful for each and every one and I do my best to pay them forward, whenever I get the chance.  Yes, I do practice what I preach.  (See ROI of Being Mean Post).

Ruthspirations is all about aspiring to inspire, but sometimes its also about sharing what inspires me – yes, I need inspiration too.  Some days inspiration comes in the simplest little things that cause me to pause and reflect on how wonderful life really is and remind me to grasp on and embrace it fully even though things may not be exactly as I think they should be.  That’s what happened as I read the statement above.  It caused me to stop, reflect, be grateful and move forward and look up.  That inspires me.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I can tell you that what the past (both failures and successes) has shown me is that I have the skill to survive, the wit to laugh at the lessons learned (err, at least most of them) and the motivation to climb to the next level in my life.  I’m ready, eager and driving forward with enthusiasm.

While I don’t expect anyone to  believe the same way that I do, my faith is a major driver for me.  I hope you have something to believe in and if you don’t, perhaps consider looking into it.  My faith keeps me strong, calm and in love with life.  I believe that only the best is yet to come for me and I can’t wait to see what that defines itself as.  My biggest problem is patience…and I stubbornly refuse to pray for that…(that’s a topic of a whole other long and humorous post).

Here’s to another day, another blue sky, another word written, life, love and all that is yet to come.   After all, as I’m told, it’s the adventure of the journey…not the destination…we all know what that inevitably will be.

Find something to believe in…it will do wonders for your soul.  It most certainly has mine.

The ROI Of Being Mean

I’m seeing a lot of anger and frustration these days.  It seems people don’t take the time to hand out the ONE thing that costs nothing, can’t be taxed and would make someone’s day a little easier.  I’m seeing extreme amounts of mean.  While rationalized by some as not personal and perhaps even an avenue for a release of frustration, in the long run it’s going to seriously come back and bite the meanies in the hiny.  The ROI of being mean?  Nothing.  Zip.  Zero.  Zilch.  Nada.  And, hopefully you have enough sense in your head to end up feeling worse than you did in the first place.  If you don’t – seek help.

I know its frustrating out there right now.  The economy is tanked, people are without jobs, losing their homes, 401K’s are gone and in general the world feels like a bleak and mean place.  We’ve been bombarded with the stark outlook by the media day after day.  People are scared, worried and anxiety rides high.  I’m sure we all agree on that, right?  Does that make meanness justified?  Should we just give in and ruminate in the negativity and see how much more we can create?  Perhaps by focusing on the negative we can just wallow in the sh*t until it swallows us whole.  Feeling better yet?  No?  Me either.  Let’s add  in some mean, perhaps that will make us all feel better.  Seriously.  Perhaps kicking someone when they are down will make the world a better place.  You never know, they might just have lost their home, their job or had a death in their family, so let’s romp em.  Let’s not let someone in a lane of traffic, they might delay us by 1.2 seconds by getting in front of us.  Too bad they miss their exit, their job interview or doctor’s appoint because you couldn’t show a tad of compassion.   Good enough.  Life’s a bitch, right?  Let’s be rude, mean and generally make the world a miserable place to live.  Sounds just dreamy.  *dripping sarcasm*  NOT.

Am I mad, yep, you bet.  I’m tired of all the negativity. I’m tired of all the whining and complaining.  Where the hell is all the heart?  I know it’s there in all of us.  I know we’re stronger than this.  Do you really believe all of this is permanent?  This is it?  Life has been reduced to complete and utter sh*t?  Get off your high horse.  There are millions of people in the SAME situation.  You’re not special, you’re no different than anyone else struggling along.  Is it easy?  No.  We are Americans, we have heart, we prevail and overcome.   We always have and we always will. We are amazing people.   Strength is  what we are made of and always have been.  We will see better days…and we can start creating them, RIGHT NOW.  For FREE and you don’t have to report it to the IRS!

Here’s a few random acts of kindness that might just start the process of changing the negative into the positive that don’t  get anywhere near your pocketbook.  Believe me, I’m always looking for a deal and here’s a seriously good value.

1.  Try smiling at everyone you meet.  It will make their day brighter and you get the return benefit of a smile from others.

2.  Being kind lowers blood pressure and releases tension.  You’re focused on something other than yourself.

3.  Carry someone’s groceries for them or put their cart back.  Perhaps then they will do the same for someone else and start a ripple effect.

4.  Hold a door open for someone.  This applies to males AND females.  It’s about being kind.

5.  Say excuse me when you bump into someone and genuinely mean it.

6.  Let that person get on the freeway in front of you.  You might have just given them the extra bump they need to make it a great day.

7.  Give someone a compliment.  You might just change their world.

8.  Smile when you talk to customer service people on the phone.  They appreciate it and might return the favor by being more helpful or maybe you’ll just make their day better after talking to someone that has reamed them for something they have no control over.

9.  Pay kindness forward.  That’s the way the world should work.

10.  Be compassionate.  You never know what the person opposite you is going through.

Everything that I’ve just listed, costs you nothing but offers a great return to you whether it be a health benefit or just knowing that you might be lifting someone else up. Simple, genuine acts of kindness are so appreciated and seem to be quickly becoming rare in this environment of fear and negativity.  I hate seeing people feeling badly, down and discouraged.  And, it’s an easy place to go these days.  I urge you to NOT give into the fear.  Strive to be happy.  Find value in the stuff that really means something.  Family.  Friends.  Health.  The real stuff.  Be thankful for one thing everyday, no matter how small. (There are days I look at my tooth brush with inexplicable joy).

This “schtuff” we are sludging through will change.  Believe it or not, we will survive.  Try taking a bit of a different approach.  Learn to expect miracles.  Have a little faith.  I’m saddened to think that we’ve become mean people in the face of adversity.  That’s not who we are.  Chin up.  Get it right.  Show a little love and compassion.  It’s free and it might just change the world in a way you never expect. The effects of kindness lingers in a most positive and unsuspecting way.

If you’ve had a bad day, I hope someone makes it better with kindness.  If you run into me, I will.  I refuse to give up and give in. Period.

The ROI of being mean?  Zero.  The ROI of being kind?  Absolutely priceless.  The choice is yours.

Move Forward & Look Up!

My Mantra...

If you’ve talked to me recently and have been frustrated, anxious, stressed or discouraged, you’ve most likely heard me say these words.  “Move forward and don’t forget to look up!”   A lot of people look at me like I’m crazy and confusion crosses their face when I tell them that.  Then I say…”do you have time for a cup of coffee?  I’m happy to explain.”  And so we usually head to one of my favorite coffee spots like Marie et c. on Riverside, grab a vanilla latte and something fattening and sit down for a chat.  So, since I can’t be right there personally with you at this very moment, and you need some encouragement, grab yourself a beverage and let me share with you my thoughts.

When times are the worst and you most feel like giving up, thatis the utmost important time in being successful.  It’s when you think you can’t possibly take one more moment of the stress…take one more step forward….push that weight up over your head one more time…and generally feel like you want to retreat into a cave (or in my case my fabulous fluffpile) and stay there until the world decides to be kinder and give you what you want…THAT’S the very moment when you have to move forward and look up.  Now, what is the actual action?  Just what I’m saying.  Take one more step.  Push that weight up over your head.  Take one more deep breath.  And, when you’ve done the action, look up and say thank you and appreciate all that your Maker has blessed you with.  Yes, I see you rolling your eyes…but before you click out of here, pay attention for just a few more words.

Do those actions make everything better?  No.  They don’t. Are they a magical guarantee to getting your way every time?  Nope.  Not at all.  But what they do is give you an immediate sense of accomplishment.  Encouragement.  When you thought you couldn’t, you did. And, that in itself is worth gold.  It is a trick that makes your mind realize -  YOU CAN DO IT.  It breaks the stress moment and reinvigorates hopeful energy.  As commercial as it sounds, it’s the darkest right before the storm breaks and you realize the success you’ve been dreaming of  – whatever definition success is for the particular issue concerning you.

It’s easy to quit and make excuses.  Well at least until regret hits you and you realize….I really could have done it with just a tiny bit more effort. Then THAT realization pretty much drives you further into the droves of pouting and tantrums.  Not a pretty picture but so true.  Try it if you like.  I did.  Hated it.

So what do I do?  For me it all comes down to faith. I just believe that I can no matter what.  I had to develop a complete sense of  self belief when I got out of a horrendous relationship that left me with no self confidence or esteem let alone a belief that I could be a success at anything.  At that moment in my life, I took one step at a time and sometimes one step in a day.  But I always did one small thing no matter how tiny it was as I pulled myself together, dusted myself off, picked myself off the ground and began to rebuild all that I’d lost.  I’ve come to realize that one more step, one more day, one more pound, one more anything I can handle as long as I move forward and look up.

Is my life perfect?  No.  Stress free?  Umm, helloooooo?  NOT.  Do I worry?  Yes.  Do I fret?  Sometimes.  But one thing at the end of it all, I never lose faith that I can finish what I started to the very best of my ability.  That’s just not in my vocabulary anymore.  A friend recently asked me how I always managed to stay so positive.  I told her that some days I fake it until I make it.  She told me she thought as much, but to keep it up.  I wrote her back and said fake is the wrong word.  I make a choice to make a positive statement even when I’m down so when I get a response, it’s a positive one.  It makes me feel better.  It pulls me up.  If I give in and post something that is emotionally crappy, I usually get commiseration which only makes me feel worse.  So, I choose to take a step forward and look up.  Inspiration usually finds ME that way.

So, if you’re still ready to click out, then now’s a good time, cause it means you’re either making a choice to not take one more step or you’ve got life all figured out (and if you do, please email me personally and tell me your secret, cause I’m down).  Sound harsh?  Maybe so, but I’ve never been successful at anything I’ve quit.  See my point?  Take one more step.  Keep going.  You’re almost there.

Some days what I’m telling you to do is HARD.  Most accomplishments of merit don’t come easy so you have to have a plan.  You need to set yourself up for success.  Be honest with yourself.  You know things are going to get difficult at some point.  That’s life.  It’s how you prepare yourself to deal with it that makes all the difference.  When we do have an action plan for the “south side” of life, the “schtuff” can’t swing its bat so hard because we divert it by saying, ” That sucks, and I’m upset, but I’m going to take one step forward and look up.”   Make sure you give yourself some room to be human.  Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Just don’t lose sight of what you want by allowing frustration, disappointment and disillusion to rule your outcome.  It works.  I swear by it.  Believe me, there are things in my life right now that scare the h-e-double toothpicks out of me, but I face them one day at a time, one challenge at a time and with the realization that no matter what I will keep moving forward and looking up.  My faith in God is strong, my faith in my ability builds day by day and I know that there’s a pre-determined time for my moment.  I live it.  I hope that even if you don’t sign on for the “move forward, look up” concept that I’m telling you about, you will find a plan that works for you, and practice it so that it becomes automatic and you have a weapon that will counteract some of that “schtuff” and make it a little easier to deal with.  It’s not going away, so learn to deal – of course as with all I say this is just my opinion and I stand firmly behind it. Natch.  Would you expect any different from me?

Good luck, and worst case scenario, there’s always the vodka and hiccups solution.  Sometimes that’s fun too.  Here’s wishing you the best that life has to offer.  Move forward and look up…you’ll be amazed at how well it works.   It’s Ruthspiration guaranteed!!!!